Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Confidence Building ebooks

There are several self help books out there in the market. There are a lot of them really. But the drastic fact is that most of them are useless. Useless in the sense most of them don't teach you the basics. They just try to explain all the stuff quickly in a hurried pace. The end result is not what you wanted.

Well I have been researching about this for some time. I have read most of the books and here is a short list of the books that I found really useful.
  1. What Every Body is saying - Joe Navarro:-   This is one of the best selling books on Amazon. Joe is  an ex-FBI agent and he  brings his field experience into teaching you the basics of body language. The book is illustrated well with enough pictures and examples that it becomes easy for any person to understand the nuances of body language. If you are a beginner  to  body language I recommend you this.

 You know a lot of people are facing this problem . Small fights exaggerated will spoil your relationships until it is too late when you realize you want them back and if you could have prevented all this. TW Jackson helps you read the signs and play properly so that you can get back with your ex. A sure book you need to read.

   Well you might be expecting what is a physical training book  doing here. Just imagine if your body looked sexy and attractive , what it would do to your confidence. Surely it will rocket it up and you don't need anything else. A healthy body leads to a healthy mind which leads to healthy confidence which is what you want.

Mike Geary is an acclaimed physical trainer who helps you realize the truth about abs rather than the other authors there who just give you a workout list of exercises that you will never do. 

This is a refreshing way to 6-pack abs worth trying.

These are just some of  the books that I have found useful in boosting your confidence . Though they don't directly relate to confidence building , 2 of them teach you techniques to read other people and maintain calm while the third helps you to get a gorgeous body you will flaunt for sure.

More in the next post.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Anger Management - 5 techniques

Anger is a strong emotion; a feeling that is oriented toward some real or supposed grievance. It is so powerful that it disables us completely . We lose all rational thinking skills and start behaving more or less like animals.  

To be angry is easy , but to do it to the  right person ,at the right time to the  right degree is difficult - Aristotle

Anger can easily dominate you unless you take steps to control it.  Being  angry means to stop thinking rationally and that results in you making all the wrong decisions at the wrong time. So we know we have to control it. Here's how.

  1. Catch your stress early. Most of you are so used to walking around feeling stressed out that you aren't even aware that it is building inside you until all of a sudden KABOOM!.
  2. Try looking at things from a different perspective . I know it is easy said than done particularly when you rational brain has been hijacked by emotions. Slow down, become aware of how you are thinking . Ask yourself what kind of mood this  is likely to put you in and if this is how you want to feel. If not ask yourself how you would rather feel and try to think of a different story to tell yourself that would make you feel this way. This is not impossible. It is only difficult at first and then practice makes perfect.
  3. Take care of yourself. Get the right amount of rest. Keep an eye on how much you drink. Enjoy yourself!
  4. Be realistic about your family. If Uncle Brad tells the same story every year, he's going to do it again. If your Aunt Lilly has a habit of criticizing everything she is still going to do that. You just have to see them for a few hours every year so try to enjoy the change by finding humor in it.
  5.  Let bygones be bygones. That is the past. It is done and now you can't do anything about it. So just let it go. It will do you more good than keeping  all that locked up inside you.
Anger effects the efficiency of your decisions and will affect your confidence levels greatly. It is an untamed animal in you and until you learn to tame it , you will be at its mercy.

More in the next post.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Keys to Happiness

The best way to be happy is to concentrate on 3 things whatever you do . Those are

  1. Cultivating love
  2. Purpose
  3. Gratitude 
As a result of this you will feel love for yourself and as a side effect people  will love you for it.
It is almost impossible for others to love you unless you love yourself. When you value  yourself , others will value you too. You will have to be more open with your friends and share a lot with the. No man is an island . You cannot keep all these things down in you forever. You need to share  things and sharing things means you will feel more relaxed . It implies you trust your friend which in turn will make him happy and surely he will appreciate it and will return you the favor making you feel happy.

No one likes to think that their life is happening in a cipher, endlessly going no where. Of course we feel like this sometimes, but if that feelings continues for too long, life becomes pretty unbearable. Finding purpose in your life gives it meaning and joy. Without a purpose you surely will feel like not working and an idle mind is the devils workshop. It is absolutely imperative that you find a purpose in your life however small or big it is. Then you will impart a meaning to  your life  and every  action you do to achieve it will bring you enormous joy. Finding a purpose in life can be difficult but is important to experiencing happiness.

Be grateful for what you have and don't beat yourself up if you don't have something. If you are fat be grateful that you have a physique with which you can beat up any guy , any time. See you just have to see the positive side of it. God has created you for a purpose and he has given you everything that you need . All you need to do is be grateful and stop complaining about what you don't have and start realizing the power of what you have.

Being happy and in a relaxed state of mind helps build your confidence . One exercise that I use is the "Gratitude list".  Take out a sheet of paper and list it from 1-10. Now write down ten things you are grateful you have.It can be from a head full of hair to a techie brain. Once you have listed them , keep it in your pocket so that  you can read them from time to time and you know what you have.

More on the next post.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Stress and Body Language

Body language as you all know is our universal language and you will be amazed to find its similarities in people of different cultures. All our emotions are manifested in our bodies by our limbic brain as body language.

All our emotions: anger, laughter, stress, disgust etc. are expressed by our body using different  body language clusters.  These are universal emotions and are easily recognized by any one.

Now we know that our body language gestures are controlled by our emotions. Then some scientists started wondering if the reverse id possible. That is if you consciously adopted a body language gesture ,then would your body feel the emotion associated with it.

The answer is yes. This sort of reverse engineering is possible. By teaching your body to not take up certain gestures at certain situations consciously ,you can feel the way you want.

You may have seen laughter therapy . It works on this principle. If you could  consciously make your body adopt the gestures it would follow if it  were happy, then you could successfully make the brain feel that way. Thats why laughter therapy is a very effective way to deal with stress.

But if you knew the gestures that actually tell that you are stressed out and could efficiently  avoid them and adopt more positive gestures ,then you can make yourself feel positive.

This information is very vital as it can help you in numerous situations for ex: when on a date, job interviews, detecting deceit to name some.

Everyday we encounter this emotion. It is a part of our complex world. But it is really unbelievable that just by knowing that certain gestures show stress and avoiding it and adopting more positive gestures can beat stress . Even more shocking is the fact that most of the people in the world are not even aware of this.

Some gestures that show stress are

  1. Clenching of hands
  2. Arms wrapped around the torso is actually a defensive gesture and is also related to stress.
  3. Pursing of the lips . 

  These are some gestures to name a few that show stress. You will be amazed to find out how common these are.

More on these gestures in the coming posts

Note: Personally this is the best thing that has worked for me ie. knowing which gestures trigger what emotions and learning to control them. It is so easy and fast ,you'll be amazed at your improvement .

More in the next post.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Freeze , Flight or Fight

The Freeze , Flight or Fight response to any threat we experience is a result of our limbic brain hijacking our whole brain to analyze and eliminate a threat ( or escape from it ). We are all familiar with the common phrase " Fight or Flight " . Well that is only 2/3rd of the real response   and half assed backwards.

The FFF response is an evolutionarily imbibed response in us and it is so successful that our brains have kept it. If this response was backwards like when we say " Fight or Flight " , all of us will be battered and cut and injuring ourselves all the time. Thats why it is "Freeze , Flight or Fight" . Learning about these responses and how we have adopted and changed it to suit the modern world will be worth a lot. This information is regularly used by FBI and other security agency agents to detect deceit and solve crimes.

The Freeze response

When our ancestors used to travel in the tall savannas in Africa which were filled with predators looking for prey, they developed a way to save themselves from these predators. They found out that these predators are attracted to motion , so if they stood still without any movement , the predator cannot detect them an they would survive . This is the freeze mechanism that first comes to us when we are threatened. This response has been so effective that our limbic brain learnt it and automatically makes us respond to any threat like this.

Do you remember the last time you forgot something in your house and you had to come back to get it? I bet when you first got the thought you forgot to take that thing , you stopped (if you were walking) or forgot about the road and drove. See this response is very fast and just lasts 2-3 seconds. Those invaluable seconds gives your brain time to analyze the  problem (threat) an react properly.

This freeze response is frequently looked in lie detection . You can use it too. If you think a person is lying , ask him about where was he or what was he doing at that time? If he takes 2-3 seconds and answers , his freeze response has kicked in. You might want to ask yourself what made him take that time to think about where he was? There is a real chance that he is lying, but you cannot detect it just by this signal. You need to learn more.

The Flight Response

Now back to the savanna ancestors. The freeze response worked very well if the threat was far. But if the threat was too near to avoid detection , then they had no choice rather than to run. Thus the Flight response.

The phrase "Run for your life" says it all.We have evolved over millions of years and our responses too. Now if we feel threatened in a social situation , our limbic brain kicks in our flight response ,but we seldom run. We have changed our responses to suit the present social situations.

Instead if now we feel threatened or disagree with a person and really want to get out of there , you can find yourself doing some of these

  1. Leaning away from the person you are talking to, a serious sign of disagreement
  2. Pointing your feet or one feet to the nearest exit in a bid to get out of there as soon as you can 

If running in a social situation can make you being called a jerk ,these responses are much less subtle and can be noticed only if you make a concerned effort. So next time lookout for these signs for you may know when to stop talking.

The Fight Response

If the Freezing and Fleeing (running) didn't work out for our ancestors, then the last resort . And thus the birth of our Fight Response. We fight only and only if we have no other resort. Its is a survival mechanism.

Fighting is considered wrong and in many cases illegal. I mean physical fighting. But we still fight on a regular basis. As we evolved , so too our fights. We now argue and file lawsuits and fight in a more civilized manner but still the old brawling is there. It is our survival mechanism and we cannot live without it.

But as I said earlier , with evolution our fights also changed. Now we don't fight directly, but show our aggression in other ways . We take up defensive stances , argue , flare noses to show our aggression.

You can regularly see bouncers and muggers with this body language. There is nothing friendly there . You know they are ready to fight if need be . Some things you may want to look out for while checking if the other person has silently decided to fight with you are.

  1. The arms around the chest like shown in the picture. 
  2. If the fists in that free or not clenched, then the other person is frustrated but still is defensive to you.
  3. If the fists are clenched , he has turned from frustrated to hostile and is really up for a fight.
  4. If with the fists clenched vocal arguments also come up and he takes a dominating stance with legs splayed and both legs planted on the feet , you better run or fight.

More in the next post.