Confidence Building ebooks

There are several self help books out there in the market. There are a lot of them really. But the drastic fact is that most of them are useless. Useless in the sense most of them don't teach you the basics. They just try to explain all the stuff quickly in a hurried pace. The end result is not what you wanted.

Well I have been researching about this for some time. I have read most of the books and here is a short list of the books that I found really useful.

1. What Every Body is saying - Joe Navarro:-   This is one of the best selling books on Amazon. Joe is  an ex-FBI agent and he  brings his field experience into teaching you the basics of body language. The book is illustrated well with enough pictures and examples that it becomes easy for any person to understand the nuances of body language. If you are a beginner  to  body language I recommend you this.

2   .The magic of making up with your ex :- TW Jackson

 You know a lot of people are facing this problem . Small fights exaggerated will spoil your relationships until it is too late when you realize you want them back and if you could have prevented all this. TW Jackson helps you read the signs and play properly so that you can get back with your ex. A sure book you need to read.

3.  The Truth about six pack abs:- Mike Geary

   

   Well you might be expecting what is a physical training book  doing here. Just imagine if your body looked sexy and attractive , what it would do to your confidence. Surely it will rocket it up and you don't need anything else. A healthy body leads to a healthy mind which leads to healthy confidence which is what you want.

Mike Geary is an acclaimed physical trainer who helps you realize the truth about abs rather than the other authors there who just give you a workout list of exercises that you will never do. 

This is a refreshing way to 6-pack abs worth trying.

These are just some of  the books that I have found useful in boosting your confidence . Though they don't directly relate to confidence building , 2 of them teach you techniques to read other people and maintain calm while the third helps you to get a gorgeous body you will flaunt for sure.

More in the next post.

Stress and Body Language

Body language as you all know is our universal language and you will be amazed to find its similarities in people of different cultures. All our emotions are manifested in our bodies by our limbic brain as body language.

All our emotions: anger, laughter, stress, disgust etc. are expressed by our body using different  body language clusters.  These are universal emotions and are easily recognized by any one.

Now we know that our body language gestures are controlled by our emotions. Then some scientists started wondering if the reverse id possible. That is if you consciously adopted a body language gesture ,then would your body feel the emotion associated with it.

The answer is yes. This sort of reverse engineering is possible. By teaching your body to not take up certain gestures at certain situations consciously ,you can feel the way you want.

You may have seen laughter therapy . It works on this principle. If you could  consciously make your body adopt the gestures it would follow if it  were happy, then you could successfully make the brain feel that way. Thats why laughter therapy is a very effective way to deal with stress.

But if you knew the gestures that actually tell that you are stressed out and could efficiently  avoid them and adopt more positive gestures ,then you can make yourself feel positive.

This information is very vital as it can help you in numerous situations for ex: when on a date, job interviews, detecting deceit to name some.

Everyday we encounter this emotion. It is a part of our complex world. But it is really unbelievable that just by knowing that certain gestures show stress and avoiding it and adopting more positive gestures can beat stress . Even more shocking is the fact that most of the people in the world are not even aware of this.

Some gestures that show stress are

1. Clenching of hands
2. Arms wrapped around the torso is actually a defensive gesture and is also related to stress.
3. Pursing of the lips . 

  These are some gestures to name a few that show stress. You will be amazed to find out how common these are.

More on these gestures in the coming posts

Note: Personally this is the best thing that has worked for me ie. knowing which gestures trigger what emotions and learning to control them. It is so easy and fast ,you'll be amazed at your improvement .

More in the next post.

Freeze , Flight or Fight

The Freeze , Flight or Fight response to any threat we experience is a result of our limbic brain hijacking our whole brain to analyze and eliminate a threat ( or escape from it ). We are all familiar with the common phrase " Fight or Flight " . Well that is only 2/3rd of the real response   and half assed backwards.

The FFF response is an evolutionarily imbibed response in us and it is so successful that our brains have kept it. If this response was backwards like when we say " Fight or Flight " , all of us will be battered and cut and injuring ourselves all the time. Thats why it is "Freeze , Flight or Fight" . Learning about these responses and how we have adopted and changed it to suit the modern world will be worth a lot. This information is regularly used by FBI and other security agency agents to detect deceit and solve crimes.

The Freeze response


When our ancestors used to travel in the tall savannas in Africa which were filled with predators looking for prey, they developed a way to save themselves from these predators. They found out that these predators are attracted to motion , so if they stood still without any movement , the predator cannot detect them an they would survive . This is the freeze mechanism that first comes to us when we are threatened. This response has been so effective that our limbic brain learnt it and automatically makes us respond to any threat like this.

Do you remember the last time you forgot something in your house and you had to come back to get it? I bet when you first got the thought you forgot to take that thing , you stopped (if you were walking) or forgot about the road and drove. See this response is very fast and just lasts 2-3 seconds. Those invaluable seconds gives your brain time to analyze the  problem (threat) an react properly.

This freeze response is frequently looked in lie detection . You can use it too. If you think a person is lying , ask him about where was he or what was he doing at that time? If he takes 2-3 seconds and answers , his freeze response has kicked in. You might want to ask yourself what made him take that time to think about where he was? There is a real chance that he is lying, but you cannot detect it just by this signal. You need to learn more.

The Flight Response


Now back to the savanna ancestors. The freeze response worked very well if the threat was far. But if the threat was too near to avoid detection , then they had no choice rather than to run. Thus the Flight response.

The phrase "Run for your life" says it all.We have evolved over millions of years and our responses too. Now if we feel threatened in a social situation , our limbic brain kicks in our flight response ,but we seldom run. We have changed our responses to suit the present social situations.

Instead if now we feel threatened or disagree with a person and really want to get out of there , you can find yourself doing some of these

1. Leaning away from the person you are talking to, a serious sign of disagreement
2. Pointing your feet or one feet to the nearest exit in a bid to get out of there as soon as you can 

If running in a social situation can make you being called a jerk ,these responses are much less subtle and can be noticed only if you make a concerned effort. So next time lookout for these signs for you may know when to stop talking.

The Fight Response

If the Freezing and Fleeing (running) didn't work out for our ancestors, then the last resort . And thus the birth of our Fight Response. We fight only and only if we have no other resort. Its is a survival mechanism.

Fighting is considered wrong and in many cases illegal. I mean physical fighting. But we still fight on a regular basis. As we evolved , so too our fights. We now argue and file lawsuits and fight in a more civilized manner but still the old brawling is there. It is our survival mechanism and we cannot live without it.

But as I said earlier , with evolution our fights also changed. Now we don't fight directly, but show our aggression in other ways . We take up defensive stances , argue , flare noses to show our aggression.

You can regularly see bouncers and muggers with this body language. There is nothing friendly there . You know they are ready to fight if need be . Some things you may want to look out for while checking if the other person has silently decided to fight with you are.

1. The arms around the chest like shown in the picture. 
2. If the fists in that free or not clenched, then the other person is frustrated but still is defensive to you.
3. If the fists are clenched , he has turned from frustrated to hostile and is really up for a fight.
4. If with the fists clenched vocal arguments also come up and he takes a dominating stance with legs splayed and both legs planted on the feet , you better run or fight.

More in the next post.

Public Speaking and Confidence

Public Speaking skills can be summed as one of the most required and yet so poorly trained aspect of personality development. A Public speaker is like a singer except for the tunes. Like a singer he too has to engage his audience or else his message will go unheeded. Public Speaking is an absolutely necessary skill for especially the business class. Some things you would want to look into before addressing an audience the next time are:

 

1.  Indulge with your audience:  Before any concert ,seminar or speech , if time permits mingle with your audience.Let them know that you appreciate that they came. Also ask questions as to what are  they expecting from you.
2. Aggressive Body Language: You have to be a person who is filled with energy and shows off his energy. This will boost your confidence and also people love  energetic people. Do you remember the last time you saw a lay speaker?
3. Bite your tongue: This is a technique used by opera singers . Whenever your mouth gets dry , just give it a gentle bite. It will release saliva and make your throat moist.
4. Use your eyes:  Your eyes will tell the audience whether you believe what you are saying! Each time you make a point , focus on one person in the room and look straight into her.This might be a little intimidating for them ,but it keeps them and you focused. Move to new people in the room and you'll have a better audience response.
5. Change your Norm: When you reach a part of your presentation where you really have to make a point ,changing your norm works nicely. If you speak standing at the center of the stage , move to the left or right of your primary position when making a really important point. This will make people look upto you. If you are a mover and shaker, standing still for a few moments will have the same effect.
6. Pin drop effect: When you really need attention get quiet. This will scare the noisy guy to death and people will give you attention. That is what sells your talk .
7. Tee it higher: If you want to rush adrenaline into your audience , raise your pitch a little higher. It creates a sense of urgency. A low pitch gives the audience a relaxed feel while a high pitch rushes adrenaline and passion.
8. Rehearse , rehearse and rehearse: Practice makes perfect. Nothing else has to be said.
9. Perform for a  hero: Think that you are performing for your favorite superhero so that he will choose you as his favorite superfan, how will you prepare? How will you perform? Always think of your favorite hero and perform like you would perform for him.
10. Know when to go:  Knowing when to go is more important than any other tip. If you see signs of your audience getting bored , try to revive them up. Still if nothing works, start thanking and leaving. Your audience will remember you for knowing when to stop than for your content.

Writing for Confidence

 Studies have shown how hypnosis can help you more confident (believe it or not ). But most people do not realize that the act of writing is very hypnotic. By the time you reach the end of this article, you will feel very relaxed. You will  learn to use writing as a form of hypnosis to build confidence.

When you write, your whole mind is engaged. You subconscious mind is rooted in reality with the content you create. Have you noted why the authors of self-help and personal growth seem to become more and more successful in their life?  Their minds are reinforced by what they write. So lets get to work.

To start the process off, take a piece of paper and write what you want to achieve. Some say that writing by hand strengthens the connection to your spirit.I like to keep a diary of my writing. Those who are used to writing diaries will find it easy to start off.  It also helps you to keep track of your progress.

Write down what it is to get the confidence you want. How do you speak? What would you do? What are the achievements or goals will you achieve? You see visualization is a very powerful  technique and writing is an excellent way to do it. The more detailed, the more easily your subconscious mind will absorb the message. Try to include your senses in your writing. Write about  how your new car will feel, look sound etc. What does an apple taste like a confident person? How do you eat? 

This whole exercise may seem silly to you  but it works wonderfully. It would be better to do it once or twice a week and the best  to do daily. Repetition is also good for the solidification of hypnotic suggestions.

A lot of people think that handwriting  is not important. But the truth is that handwriting reflects your personality. Graphologists use this principle to understand about your personality. Like body language gestures , handwriting traits are also common . Like confident people , burglars , murderers, rapists etc. have different traits. Like in body language gestures, if you avoid the wrong ones and adopt the good ones consciously , you'll achieve what you want in life.

Though the above technique works on the basis of visualization , I thought a little information wouldn't do you bad.

See you  in the next post.  

Body Language and Confidence

Body language and confidence are related very closely. Actually body language is related to almost every emotion we feel. We express every emotion we feel in one way or other using our body which may be knowingly or mostly unknowingly . These are body language gestures . Learning them can be very useful in a lot of ways.

1.  If you knew which body language gestures express what , you would be able to control your emotions using  body language.
2. Lie detection : Why were FBI guys  taught body language and cops have right to arrest/frisk someone who looks suspicious.
3. You would be able to look super confident and you would be super confident naturally because of it.
4. You look could look super sexy and be able to attract  a partner of your choice.
5. You would be able to understand more about what people are thinking and could effectively use it to your advantage.

See I  just gave you 5 reasons why you  should know about body language.

Body language is genetically programmed into us. When no languages were used ,hand and body gestures were used to communicate. Even though language developed we didn't forget our  old ways and we still use gestures unknowingly to communicate what  we are actually feeling.

To a trained eye these subtle gestures are more than enough to read you. Body language gestures and voice tone patterns form 90% of the communication and only the rest 10% actually comprises of the real words you spoke. It justifies the statement :

"It is not what you say, but how you say it"

Body language gestures are universal to all human beings and cultures and the most  universal emotions are gestured using  the same body language gestures worldwide. Body language trespasses all boundaries and learning it can help you in getting what  you want anywhere in the world.

Over the years , several emotions had trademark gestures. Even as language developed , we didn't forget what these gestures  represented. These were stored in our brain and we use them unconsciously to express what we feel. Also if we adopt a gesture knowingly , you will also feel the emotion associated with it. This is what is taught to you in confidence training. 

The instructors will teach you gestures that  are known to confident people. When you start  replicating them , you'll feel confident too and people start reacting to you too. With the good feedback ( you 'll feel the change ) you get from the people around you, you'll just continue the good things and get rid of the bad things.

I have learnt and have seen myself how people just do not get what they deserve because they project a bad image of themselves unknowingly. I'm here to help you change that using the most effective and time and science proven techniques in body language. Let the power flow to you.

See you on the next post.